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| meat or knives? who knows let's find out |
a meta analysis carried out by a team of experts found that
eating food lead to death in 100% of cases.
the list of food looked at in the study included, meat,
vegan foods, chocolate, unhealthy foods, bananas, alcoholic beverages, avocados
and all other food and drink known and available to man.
a popular 1970’s study conducted by the late robert science concluded that eating a
diet of grains which were originally planted by cavemen would prevent death. unfortunately,
this theory was later disproved by his unfortunate demise.
the latest trend, known as the ‘artisan cheese diet’, claims to be able to prevent death through a
combination of hand crafted pro-biotic cheeses, and 7 minute naps. the evidence
concludes that people on this diet feel less fulfilment in life, but their
pretentiousness levels rises steadily the longer the diet is carried out. the
results on death are still inconclusive.
it is, however, agreed by all sides of this debate that
there is definitely something in our foods which is making us die. some people
(vegans) have suggested that cows are purposefully eating low-dose poisons so
that we pass away after indulging in the odd maccy d’s. others (juicers) think
that the act of chewing foods is causing our hearts to get a bit tired and
therefore we should concentrate on liquidising all our foods to give ourselves
a little rest.
unfortunately, the few people that have tried not to eat any
of the foods in an attempt to stay alive have also ended up as what scientists
are terming ‘non-survivors’.
jan from yorkshire
summed up the situation nicely by saying ‘we’re all gonna die so we might as well
put on a good spread in the meantime’
this has been emily.
this has been emily.
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